Indie Author Weekly

168: Writing alternative relationships, Q&A Part 3

• Sagan Morrow • Episode 169

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This episode provides Q&A inspired by the Weeknight Writers "Writing Alternative Relationships" panel discussion I spoke at this past summer — it's a follow up to our previous two episodes where I answered the first 5 questions: 

  • Q6: In romances, people usually expect a level of sexual tension that leads to sexual catharsis; how can you create a relationship arc where people have a similar level of emotional catharsis without the sexual aspect?
  • Q7: How do you manage a story with multiple love interests and/or romance arcs?
  • Q8: What kinds of alternative relationships do you want to see more of? How would you like existing representation of alternative relationship models to change?
  • Q9: What do you love MOST about writing the alternative relationships you do?

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Hello and welcome to the indie author weekly podcast where I take you on the behind the scenes journey of life ventures as an indie author. I'm your host Sagan Morrow, and I'm an eighth time polyamorous romcom. Author plus I've also written several business books for solopreneurs. Let's dive into this episode. Today I want to continue our conversation from the last couple of weeks and answer a few more questions from a panel that I spoke on this past summer for the weeknight Writers Group. Weekend writers is a social enterprise dedicated to creating accessible educational resources and defense for fiction authors, and it is run by the business for authors team. They do story crafting sessions, which are one day virtual conferences with panels exploring a specific aspect of writing such as world building or story structure. So this past summer, when I spoke at one of their conferences, the topic for our panel we were talking all about, you know, writing alternative relationships. We had a great discussion about what that looks like and the nuances of writing alternative relationships. Now the type of alternative relationships that I write are polyamorous relationships and open marriages. And I do this in my polyamorous passion series as well as my latest novel small 10 stilettos. You can find the polyamorous passion series at any major bookstore, you can grab all of my books at Sagan morrow.com/books. The link is in the show notes or you can always just search polyamorous passions or smalltime stilettos. Currently at the time of this recording. smalltown stilettos is only available as an ebook on Amazon as part of Kindle Unlimited, but it will very soon be available on all major eBook store platforms. And you can also buy the paperback version of small town stilettos at Barnes and Noble or anywhere else. But yes, I would recommend visiting Sagan morrow.com/books Because all of the links to my books are on my website there. And again, the link is in the show notes. In episodes 166 and 167 of this indie author weekly podcast that was the last the previous two episodes. I answered the first five questions from the panel discussion of our topic of writing alternative relationships. So today I wanted to answer you know the last few questions of this panel. So if you want to check out the previous five questions, definitely tune into Episode 166 and 167. Question six in romances people usually expect a level of sexual tension that leads to sexual catharsis. How can you create a relationship arc where people have a similar level of emotional catharsis without the sexual aspect? So I recommend approaching it the same way as a platonic relationship. For example, in book one of my polyamorous passion series, there is a scene towards the end when the main character Emma is going to work to reconcile with her best friend Helen. And the the scene setup makes it sound like she is going to be going to reconcile with one of her boyfriends and I really loved doing this because you know, it's a very brief sort of moment, but the type of emotional tension that is there, right? It it happens in such a way that it sounds like she is going to be reconciling with her boyfriend, but really, it's about her best friend, and I love to kind of flipping that with really focusing on what would you do in a platonic relationship? What does that look like in a romantic relationship and almost like, like basically putting them on equal footing, right. Another way of flipping this around is, in my novel, small town stilettos the main character Margaret has sex right away with her love interests, and it's just a non issue. It's like that's it's just it's completely a non issue for her. She just she enjoys having sex so that she had she had sex with them. And it's also it's basically a non issue for her love interests. The only thing for them is that they're like, Oh, this is this is weird that we that the three of us are hanging out together like like that is the only thing that to her love interest. It's like kind of like, you know, quote unquote weird to them. They don't have a problem with with the sex aspect. And I kind of love that. And for Margaret, you know, again, she has sex basically immediately with both of them. It's a non issue, and then the emotions come later on. And with one of her love interests the sex isn't part of it at all by the end of it. There was still a very touching emotional aspect to it where they were helping and inspiring one another but the sex but they are not having sex together. So I like to be able to flip that around and look at okay, let's have the sex right at the beginning and and have it and it off. Page. It's like just mentioned briefly in passing. And then the emotional tension is really the main, the main arc of the story. Question seven, how do you manage a story with multiple love interests and or romance arcs? So again, I would say doing this the exact same way as any other type of relationship. There is a reason why in my polyamorous passion series, the three main characters are three best friends. So the first three books follow Emma's story the you know, books four to six follow Helen story and books seven to nine full of scarlet story, but all of those characters are are in the entire series. There are three best friends and I loved showcasing it this way. I love featuring these three best friends they are juggling, multiple platonic love interests, as well as multiple romantic love interests. Their their platonic friendship is like that is such a key part of the polyamorous passion series, the friendships, the Platonic aspects of it is, you know, everything is it's so, so important. And we see their dynamic shift and evolve as the series builds. And so I love being able to show it that way. So again, if we are you know, you can manage a story with multiple, you know, romance arcs or love interests, the exact same way that you simply would write a story with multiple friends or, you know, multiple family members. How was everyone interacting with one another? It's not really any different. They're all important relationships. They're different. They're just different types of relationships. Another you know, aspect of this is that practical standpoint. So I like looking at multiple love interests in my novels as addressing them as each different subplots, and then looking at how do these subplots connect together? What are the overall themes of the story? And how are those themes reflected across the various subplots? And I've started doing this a lot more, you know, as I've written more novels, this has become more of an important feature for me when I am mapping out the story and writing the story. It was not, I wasn't doing it as consciously or as intentionally in my first few novellas in the polyamorous passion series. But at this point, that's a really important factor, looking at each of the romantic relationships as essentially different subplots within the overall novel. And then looking at how do each of these subplots connect together? What are the overall themes of the story? How are those themes reflected across the various subplots? I will also say that each love and trust does not need to receive the same amount of attention and the same weight at every point of the story. There can be ebbs and flows just like in real life. Okay. And just just like in different types of relationships, not simply romantic relationships, but all types of relationships. We always have these ebbs and flows. And you know, there are going to be at some points when one relationship might be I don't want to say more important or more stronger, but it might be more at the forefront. than another relationship. It does not mean that that relationship is any less than another. It simply, it simply takes like a little bit of a of a backseat almost it's still there. It's still strong, it is still so deeply, deeply important, but it might not be a pivotal part of of moving forward in terms of you know, character development and plot and that type of thing. And I will also say, you know, to take a slight detour here, in my own life, I you know, moved out to BC from Manitoba a few years ago. And this means that you know, being farther away from from, you know, my friends back in Winnipeg, and in Halifax right, like, it gets difficult to have the same level of frequent interaction, but it does not mean that my love has has diminished in any way right like those relationships to me are still as important and strong and meaningful and, and deep as they have ever been. They simply just are not something that we are necessarily, you know, interacting with on a on a daily basis, and that's okay. These types of things happen throughout our lives. That is absolutely okay. Another friend of mine moved to Alberta, you know, probably 10 years ago from Manitoba and she and I would still say that she is one of my dearest, dearest friends I love her so, so deeply. And yet we might speak a couple of times a year if that by text message, you know, and and that doesn't take away anything. So even though we might not be key characters in each other's lives in terms of the you know, the the plot development, the the types of things that are, you know, pivotal to the story structure, it doesn't mean that those relationships are any less or any Yeah, or they're not diminished in any way. And I think that that's a very important aspect to consider when you are writing novels to bring this back to the purpose of the episode. You know, when you are managing a story with multiple romance arcs, multiple romantic relationships, they don't all need to have the exact same amount of weight. Throughout the entire story. There can be those ebbs and flows and in some of my stories, you know, a a main love interest you know, as you're kind of, again, taking a bit of a backseat as the stories progress and my polyamorous passion series. There are so far seven books in total, there's going to be nine in total by the end of the series, and as a result, you know, there are quite a few different characters that come up, and some of them have, you know, at this point barely any dialogue are barely any appearance, but they are still a key key factor in another person's another character's relationship. So just because they are not being featured heavily, doesn't mean that their impact on a particular character isn't as important. So I hope that that kind of makes sense.
And another way to look at this when you're managing a story with sort of juggling a lot of different different relationship arcs, is really thinking about, you know, is one of these relationships, the main focus of the story, or is it the fact that they have an alternative relationship? That is the main focus of the story? Or is it a character's internal journey of self discovery? That is the main focus of the story, or is it an underlying theme that is the main focus of the story, etc. So knowing that type of thing will help to determine how you want the story to unfold? Is the relationship itself the complete the you know, total purpose of the novel that you are writing? Or is that relationship, a illness an illustration of, you know, a theme that is happening, or is it one character's journey of self discovery? That's really the main core and the relationship is, you know, of course, an important piece of that, but it's not actually the main focus or the main point of the story. So that's, that's a key thing to really consider when you're looking at juggling the different relationship arcs. And I would also say giving all of your characters room to have their own agency, so not having filler characters, just for the sake of an alternative relationship, right? Instead really looking at what is their actual role, and what is their personality? So again, you know, over the course of the nine books in my polyamorous passion series, there are a lot of characters that might come and go and a character might be a little bit more important in one book and then maybe not really ever mentioned again in other books, and that's okay, but it's always about thinking about who is this character if they were the main character in their own book, what would what would they be doing and thinking and feeling and how would they be acting? So I think that that's a really important question to ask, really thinking about each of these characters gets to be the main character in their own story. And so in that case, they all have their own agency. So what is their purpose in this particular story? And I think that that can be a really useful way to create more sort of nuance and complexity within characters, even if they only have a brief appearance in your novel, and I don't think that you need to do things where you know, creating a whole rich backstory for every single side character, I truly do not believe it that is necessary. But if you can think about each scene through that lens of Okay, wait, if this side character is the main character in their own novel, then what are they thinking feeling acting in that moment? I think that that can be really helpful to just kind of put yourself in their shoes to be able to figure out who are they and what is their actual role and what is their own personality, their own agency? Question Eight, what kind of alternative relationships do you want to see more of how would you like existing representation of alternative relationship models to change? I love this question. So you know, of course, I would love to see more open relationships. I think that that would be a great thing to see more of in in novels and that type of thing. But, more specifically, I would love to see more long term relationships without marriage as a factor at all. So basically ensuring that there are more long term relationships where the commitment is never in question, even though the characters are not getting married. I think that that would be kind of fun. And then also, something else I would really like to see more of, is more of the style, polyamorous relationships. So I think it's, you know, all all relationships are wonderful. But typically in the media when we talk about polyamory or open relationships, we see these as multiple people all in a single relationship and I would love to see more of the style relationships where, you know, it might be one person that is involved with multiple separate relationships. I think that that's a really key factor. One of the, one of the things that I have often seen in in fiction is this whole concept of I think it's been especially like sort of sci fi fantasy types of things, is relationships where the couple feels like you know, they love each other deeply, but they feel like something is missing. And then they meet another character and that character is the missing piece. And that's, that's great, that's fine. But I want to see more relationships where the couple is just great, and they're like our relationship is fulfilling and satisfying and there is nothing lacking and if there is nothing missing in it. And also, each of us want to pursue relationships with other people. That is what I would love to see normalized. Question Nine, our final question. What do you love the most about writing the alternative relationships that you do? I think my biggest thing, my favorite part is truly helping readers. See themselves. That has been the most amazing thing to have readers tell me that that my books have helped them realize that they identify as polyamorous or that they want to pursue that type of relationship, helping readers see themselves when they are not seeing themselves in mainstream media. is my favorite, my favorite part. So there you have it. Those are my answers to a few of the questions from a weeknight writers story, story crafting sessions, panel discussion on the topic of writing alternative relationships. If you would like to check out my novels, you can grab your copies of my polyamorous passion series at all major bookstores or visit Sagan morrow.com/books. Link is in the show notes. If you have additional questions about this topic, if you would love for me to go deeper on any of this or talk about you know, anything else here on the Indiahe weekly podcast. I would love to hear your questions or topic requests anything at all. So please submit those at Sagan morrow.com/question. That my friend is a wrap for today's episode of indie author weekly. You can access the show notes for this episode at Sagan morrow.com/podcast. And please do share your thoughts about this episode on Twitter or Instagram. My handle is at Sagan lives. Please take two minutes to rate and review in the author weekly on Apple podcasts. Thank you so much for tuning in. And I will see you next week for another episode of indie author weekly

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